Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Business Speak

In business, it is important to know the language used by the true corporate lackey muck. Biz professionals speak and write in a constantly evolving rhetoric. Many unconsciously implement new words and phrases, and the catchiest spread faster than cream cheese at Einsteins (a favorite out of office meeting place for corporate mucks). Let's explore some the terms most important to today's business professional.

"Reach out" - Instead of e-mailing a person last week, you actually "reached out to" them.

"Put some feelers out" - Instead of trying to find someone/something, "put some feelers out" and see if you come up with anything.

"following up" - Instead of thanking someone for calling you back, it's definitely more business-y to thank him or her for "following up."

"to noodle" - brainstorming is out. "Noodling" is the new brainstorming.

"obtain/receive" - Never "get" anything, lest you sound like a redneck. You should be either receiving or obtaining at all times.

"Move Forward" - I would like you to take action so I will ask y0u how we can "move forward"

"Thanks in advance" - I would like you to do something, so I will "thank you in advance" after asking you. Ex. "We would like to get started right away, could you please finish the contract and overnight it today? Thanks in advance

Per your request - You gave me a task, I accomplished it, and now I have have to craft the body of the email explaining that I am delivering my accomplishment. Ex. Per your request, I made the changes to the ESS and attached a revised version.

This should be enough to get you started. Please stay tuned for Business Speak 2.0, advanced language to solidify your corporate image.



Thursday, January 15, 2009

Helpful jargon for the office slacker

If you're late:
Try "I hit a snag" instead of "I'm going to be late," or "I completely forgot." You'll find hitting a snag is a little easier to admit to.

If you're lazy or overworked:
Try "My plate is full" if you don't want to take on a responsibility someone is trying to task you with. Having a full plate seems to work better than simply saying "Sorry Pal."

If you're not going to show up at all:
This one's a stretch, but I've seen it pulled off beautifully. If you've exhausted the usual faking sick routine, try saying you're "Battling personal demons." The best slackers have even parlayed it into time off with pay.